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Complete. Revised. Paperback.

My first book, “Lukas with a K,” is finally finished, and available now on Kindle and in paperback via Amazon.

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You may be thinking, “Didn’t he put this out in January?” And you’d be correct. Kind of. I tested the self-publishing waters by releasing the first half of this book on New Year’s, sans editing, mostly to see how it worked and if I could do it.

Now, after a year of relative isolation and lots of loving support from my most trusted people, it has been revised, concluded, edited, and perhaps best of all, turned into a real-life book.

I couldn’t have done this without all my supportive and loving friends and family, but especially without the help of James DeHerrera, Karyssa Cox, Teresa Lopez, Chad Hinton, Jessica Moore, and everyone else who took the time to help me mold Lukas into life. It also couldn’t have happened without my high school English teachers, Shala Fjetland, Matt Schacht, and Shaylyn DeLong.

I did not and do not intend to write the next great American novel, I only intend to tell a story — which is, in my opinion, the privilege and right of every human. My goal is not to change anyone’s mind or life in any way but one: to teach that if I can do it, so can they. And so can you. And so should you.

It’s me… Hi

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A portrait of me, by the talented and gracious Tom Page, who once told me I should host a game show. And actually, I believe we were discussing the details of it during the conversation depicted here, on a sunny September morning in Minnesota.

I have received many meaningful gifts in my life, but one of the greatest has been the love shown to me by my friends’ parents. I don’t take it for granted.

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Here

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Every September, I begin my holiday card collaboration with Batwynn. I have a running list of ideas for these cards and sometimes I have the concept picked out as early as June, but September is when I try to make a final decision and start a rough sketch of how I want the card to turn out. Then, within a week of sending it off, I have a beautiful first draft by Batwynn, and from there we go back and forth with tweaks until the illustration’s a perfect representation of what’s in my head.

As much as these annual pieces of art are a celebration of the fantasy the holiday season carries for me, they’re also a journal of sorts. When I look at our past four collaborations, I see the year I moved to the city, the year I felt like my whole life was spent traveling in the sky, the year I published my book, and the year I felt especially musical.

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Last year’s was the most extravagant holiday card I’ve produced yet. There was a QR code inside the envelope which led the viewer to a digital version of the card, complete with two additional illustrations and two recorded songs. More than a few people have asked how I could possibly top that this year. “What are you going to have next? A hologram?” asked my friend Selina.

If I’m honest, there was a period of time I felt compelled to go bigger than last year. This summer, I began writing and recording an original Christmas song to accompany an 80’s-themed card. To muster up some inspiration when I was songwriting, I clicked through past Christmas songs I’d written and recorded. One was called Here, a song I wrote during the pandemic about missing those I couldn’t be around.

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Just like my holiday card collaborations, and my book, and almost everything else I create, the song was like a page from my diary. I remembered that feeling of missing everyone when the holidays came along (even though I’d spent most of 2020 reveling in the solitude of lockdown) and I realized that although the circumstances seem completely different now, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t still a familiar ache to see those I can’t.

As the song played, I looked around me and realized how much I surround myself with things that remind me of people I miss, especially at the holidays. There’s an hourglass next to my computer screen; I’ve loved hourglasses since I was a kid, sitting next to my grandma, completely mesmerized by the Days of our Lives opening credits. Behind me, there’s a giant canvas of Guy Williams as Zorro; when I look at it I can still hear Disney’s theme song for the character, and I remember one particular night I spent laying at my grandpa’s feet watching it from the living room floor. To my left, there’s a photo of my beloved puppy-god Pooh Bear, who for the first holiday season of my adult life, won’t be here this year.

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By the time the song finished, I knew my original neon 80’s idea had been nixed in my head. And the quiet, cozy scene which is now featured on this year’s holiday card was born. I would give up an awful lot for one more Christmas with my Pooh Bear, and many others whose absence I feel most around the holidays. Instead, I am surrounded by reminders that they were here, and to an extent, will be forever.

As my old pandemic song sang: “I still love you like you’re sitting next to me, whether or not that’s meant to be. You’re at my dinner table here in my dreams. Imagination is the key. One day this all will be a memory. We’ll muddle through until we see. And so from me you, my faraway dear, I send my holiday cheer… I wish that you were here.”

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Kameron Tyler by Mikel Philippi (2020)

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Kameron with a K. High school junior. 16 going on 17. Closeted going on out.

He wants to write a book. He recently read ‘Speak’ by Laurie Halse Anderson, and more than anything, he wants to introduce a character like Melinda Sordino — a character who is imperfect and real, a friend in the lonely shadows of adolescence.

One day, he’ll write the book. And he’ll send paperback copies to the English teachers who made it possible. One of the teachers will say he’s relieved to read something he doesn’t have to grade. Kameron will say, “That’s good, because it’s not written by a professional author, or even an English major.” And the teacher will say, “Thank God for that.”

Kameron with a K doesn’t know it, but he’s gonna do the shit he doesn’t think he can.

And so can you.

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There is so much work to do and we didn’t just take the first step we needed to take, we took a first leap. The chaotic presidency of Donald Trump is about to meet its demise, and I can’t wait to work my ass off to help deconstruct all the harmful things his time in office has created and worsened. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be the leaders we need to start this work. We all need to fight for the soul of this nation. Here we go!

What He Won’t Do

I wrote a really long post about how scared I am that Joe Biden won’t win this election, and then I deleted it.

I didn’t delete it because it’s not a real possibility, but rather, because I know we’re all well aware of what’s at stake in this election. I know I’m not the only person who’s spent nights staring at my ceiling fan in the dark, imagining a replay of Election Night 2016, and hoping to God the polls aren’t about to do us dirty the way they did then. I know millions of other people are dreading the possibility of our current situation not even being close to over. I know that the uncertainty of physically being able to get through another four years of this mess is not specific to me.

Like many other Americans, I am living with a megaphone voice in my head, constantly yelling that I cannot take another four years of this administration. I feel unable to comprehend what could possibly get worse (yet I know that it can and it will), and I’m self-aware enough to know my immediate instinct will be to shut down the moment I have to tune in and watch a second acceptance speech from the current President.

The work many of us have done in sitting through hours of election-heavy discussions and reminding people to vote is almost over. In just over two weeks, we’ll know the outcome.

Regardless of who wins this election, there will be so much work afterward. Even if Joe Biden prevails and many of us get to celebrate a major victory, we will not only have to endure a tumultuous two-and-a-half-month-long series finale of this administration, but we will all need to take part in a ground zero clean up beginning January 20. White supremacists will still be emboldened, kids will be still be in cages, the Supreme Court will still be tainted. It will be up to all of us to keep pressing our government to stop injustice, in ways that only The People can demand.

And if the current President is re-elected, who knows where to start? What more can the so-called “resistors” do to stop this Administration, except keep going? It feels like every card has been pulled. That’s why four more years seems absolutely impossible. But unfortunately, there’s a fair chance the chaos inflicted on us by this man is not even halfway over. It’s important to truly realize that.

If he is re-elected as President of the United States, giving up should not, and cannot, be an option.

So it’s important to remember what he won’t do.

What he won’t do is take away our character. Fred Rogers famously said that when he was a boy and would see scary things on the news, his mother would always tell him to look for the helpers, pointing out that there were always helpers somewhere. I realize the opportunity I have to be a helper, and so should you. Most of us live with some type of privilege or another, and it is the moral responsibility of us who are privileged to help those who are not. We must continue not only to speak up for these people, but even more importantly, to amplify their voices and encourage their confidence.

What he won’t do is take away our optimism (although like many of you, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times I thought mine was dust in the wind). When I think of the way Michelle and Barack Obama continue to express their faith in and adoration for this country, it pushes me to remember that true leadership comes from believing in something, even when you have every excuse in the world to check out and leave it to somebody else. For the sake of tomorrow, we have an obligation to believe in today.

And most of all, what he won’t do is kidnap the soul of our country’s future. There are so many people concerned about saving our children from the hidden dangers of this world, people forget we need to save them from the clear and present danger spewing poisonous racism, misogyny, and xenophobia from the White House. We can’t relent in teaching the leaders of tomorrow about the magic that lies in compassion, diversity, justice, acceptance, and truth. Not only should we continue to teach kids all the President does wrong, but we should also remind them of all the better ways, and that they have the power to wield goodness into the change our world needs.

This is not all to say that I think Donald Trump will be re-elected.

This is all to say that unlike in 2016, I am fully aware that it’s a possibility.

And I feel fully prepared to keep going, no matter what.

So should you.

[Visit iwillvote.com to make sure you’re registered to vote and that your voice can be heard in this and all future elections.]

Self (2020)

Self (2020)

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Self (2020)

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Lately I’ve been revisiting some old Paul Monette articles and poems and passages, and it feels like encountering an old mentor. He has taught me so much in my life. Because of his influence, I have truly internalized the concept of utilizing my time on Earth in meaningful ways, and going forth in my life with a rightful anger but always without counterproductive hatred. I am working on multiple creative projects that make me feel very happy right now. I am excited to share them in the future.

For this I am thankful to Paul Monette; I realize wholeheartedly that I owe much of my drive and my life’s sense of fulfillment to this strong and wise man.

Kameron Tyler by Alissa Gunberg (2020)
All my life, I’ve been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who have made the conscious effort to support my every whim, encourage my voice, love my soul, and keep the entity that is me afloat. Not everyone’s so lucky. Please consider donating to The Trevor Project today.

For the Kids

I’m turning 29 in just over a week, and in what’s become a personal tradition, I’ve decided to celebrate by raising money for one of my favorite organizations, The Trevor Project.

For those of you unaware of what The Trevor Project is, here’s a little backstory on this birthday’s official cause of focus:

The project was founded in 1998 in West Hollywood, California, by James Lecesne, Peggy Rajski, and Randy Stone. They are the creators of the 1994 Academy Award–winning short film Trevor, a dramedy about Trevor, a gay thirteen-year-old boy who, when rejected by friends because of his sexuality, makes an attempt to take his life. When the film was scheduled to air on HBO television in 1998, the filmmakers realized that some of the program’s young viewers might be facing the same kind of crisis as Trevor, and began to search for a support line to be broadcast during the airing. They discovered that no such helpline existed, and decided to dedicate themselves to forming what was, in their view, a much-needed resource: an organization to promote acceptance of LGBTQ youth, and to aid in crisis and suicide prevention among that group.
The Trevor Lifeline was established with seed funds provided by The Colin Higgins Foundation and HBO’s license fee. As a result, it became the first nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for LGBTQ youth. The project also provides online support to young people through the project’s website, as well as guidance and resources to educators and parents. (Wikipedia)

This organization is so important to me because of the accomplishments they’ve made in their efforts to support LGBTQ youth of all backgrounds, and their advocacy related to mental health on an even broader scale. This work is more important than ever. There are too many stories that need to be told, and are dangerously close to slipping away everyday, even now in 2020. There’s so much work left to do.

According to The Trevor Project’s 2020 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health:

  • 40% of respondents seriously considered attempting suicide in the past twelve months, with more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth having seriously considered it;
  • 68% of LGBTQ youth reported symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder in the past two weeks, including more than 3 in 4 transgender and nonbinary youth;
  • 48% of LGBTQ youth reported engaging in self-harm in the past twelve months, including over 60% of transgender and nonbinary youth;
  • 1 in 3 LGBTQ youth reported that they had been physically threatened or harmed in their lifetime due to their LGBTQ identity; and
  • 46% of youth report they wanted psychological or emotional counseling from a mental health professional but were unable to receive it in the past twelve months.

The Trevor Project is responding to these haunting statistics by providing trained crisis counselors, who save lives daily because they’re available 24/7, on the phone at 1-866-488-7386, via chat at www.TheTrevorProject.org/Help, or by texting START to 678-678.

This birthday, I’m committed to raising a thousand dollars for The Trevor Project. So committed, in fact, that I will personally match each donation, dollar for dollar, until that goal is reached.

[UPDATE: My birthday fundraiser is now closed. I am happy to report that we raised over $2,200! If you’d still like to support The Trevor Project, tap here.]

On ‘Lukas’

I realized a major end-of-the-decade goal when I self-published my first book, Lukas with a K, on the Amazon Kindle store last week. I’d worked on the story on-and-off since before I graduated from high school in 2009, and although the story of Lukas is far from complete, I decided last summer that the time was coming to move ahead and introduce him to the world.

Naturally, as I sprung this news on the networks of people who know or follow me, I’ve been asked a lot of questions - mostly the same questions in different ways - so, here’s the tea on all of it…

Keep reading


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